I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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