And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
