i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
