Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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