I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
