YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
