So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
