when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
