You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
