i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
