Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
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