Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
