i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
