Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Even my vagina gasped.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
