I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
