i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
