Kiss
Puke
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
