whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
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