the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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