Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
