walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
My vagina is very pro this idea
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
