1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
