We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
