Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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