my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
