today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
