During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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