I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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