is your mom at the bar?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Randomize
