I am midnight drunk by noon
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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