I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
