im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
