I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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