The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
