took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
