It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Randomize
