I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
