I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
