I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
