i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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