am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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