Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
