So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
