So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
