We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I pour the whiskey from now on
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
