I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
