Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
