FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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