Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
