I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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