I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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