Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
