but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
