I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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