She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
