I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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