SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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