Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
My liver just had a heart attack.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
