Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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