So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
