so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
