one might say we're banned from that church
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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