Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
